AHHHHH I am so soo excited yet so sad that a month has already gone by and my baby boy Nieko is getting big! I am so happy to have him in our lives. Being a mother of five there comes so much responsibility, hell being a mother there is a lot of responsibility, it doesn’t matter if you have 1 or 10 seriously I commend all mothers! Shit is not easy! I don’t know about you but I put a lot of pressure on myself to not necessarily being perfect because I am far beyond perfect but rather just giving the kids the lives they deserve!
The weekend I had Nieko, August 9th, 2019, happened to be the busiest weekend of all time! My 3 older kids had there first day of school on that Monday! Being in the moment of our newest addition it hit me that I had not even gone school shopping!! WHAT THE ***** what kind of a mother does not have any new clothes for the kids! Okay let me tell you why it was so hard for me! There are only 3 times a year that I go splurge on my kids, Christmas, Birthday and Start of school so being that I failed to take care of business a head of time was very frustrating to me. I was very overwhelmed that weekend and it dawned on me that now having five kids this was not the only time I would be overwhelmed, it will not be the only time I procrastinate on handling business and or forget on when the next school event will be.
I have never experienced postpartum depression, however, I started to feel like I was getting close to it. I was on edge about everything. I had less patience with the kids, everything would annoy me and I couldn’t figure out why. Honestly at this point I still can not pin point what exactly what was bothering me. There are some extra stress factors going on from finances to outside influences that was causing negative impacts however nothing really happened to trigger me. I guess just a little bit of everything made me hit my breaking point. This is so frustrating for me because I am here to help others and motivate and push them forward reminding them to keep a positive mindset and take it day by day however I was in this funk! House was not clean fully, I was falling on my numbers for business, I felt like I could not find my rhythm for both business and I was failing. I literally was waking up in the morning so sad and upset. Anthony and I were arguing and our energy was completely off this was the turning point for me. I know I am better than this there was no reason for me to fell upset, angry, depressed, sad etc. I was healthy my kids are healthy, I have a roof over my head and we were just blessed with a healthy baby boy. Not to mention I had the best help surrounding me. Everything I was feeling was all my mindset! Being exhausted because I just had my baby, four other kids, to tend to and running two businesses.
I needed to realize that I needed to make a choice. I can continue to spiral down this path of self-destruction or I can take it day by day and make a choice to have a great day or a crappy one. It is not easy to pull yourself out of the mood but I have a family that depends on me and I needed to get out before I went deeper.
” Motherhood can be rough, postpartum depression, anxiety, OCD, and other postpartum mood disorders ARE REAL. You are not the only woman who has felt this way. you are not now, nor ever, alone in your feelings”
I think being an independent woman I have a hard time asking for help or admitting that I need help, especially emotional help. I feel by reaching out that makes me a bad mom because I feel like I am incompetent in reality this is 100% not true. I am one person there is no way that I am wonder woman, though I like to think so, I can not physically attend to EVERYTHING IN ONE DAY. So what if the laundry did not get done today or the dishes are still in the sink there is always tomorrow. I have to remember that I am still running two businesses and a household of seven I need to celebrate the small accomplishments. For all you mommas out there suffering from postpartum depression or maybe you feel like you are falling into a depression just know you are not alone. Do not be ashamed of your feelings and know that there are sources out there to help you. Do not feel embarrassed to ask for help, lean on your spouse a bit more and don’t feel the need to take it all on. This does nothing for us but cause more exhaustion and feelings of anxiety, being overwhelmed and not worthy when in fact we are all worthy. We just pushed out a baby our bodies went through this journey for 10 months. Give yourself some time and be forgiving! Be blessed for the things we do have and get into that mindset.
” You are NOT a bad mother, you are NOT a bad partner, you are NOT a bad person, you are NOT alone. Postpartum depression is NOT the end do NOT suffer in silence.”